“What Did I Do Wrong?” – Reframing the Question That Breaks So Many Moms’ Hearts

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Parenting—especially parenting neurodiverse children—can often feel like a dance. Some days, the rhythm flows, and you're gliding with grace. Other days, it's like you're stepping on toes and trying to keep from falling apart. Either way, you're dancing with love.

A conversation I had recently still echoes in my heart. A fellow mom looked at me with tear-filled eyes and asked, “What did I do wrong?”  Whew. That one hits deep. If you've ever whispered that question to yourself, please know—you're not alone.
But today, I want to gently and lovingly offer a reframe. That question? It doesn’t serve you. It doesn’t honor the incredible, courageous, beautiful work you’re doing every single day. And more importantly, it doesn’t reflect the truth.

What if instead, we asked a better question—one that fills us with strength instead of shame:

✨ "How can I best support and celebrate the child I’ve been entrusted with?"

Because here's the truth: Parenting isn’t about perfection or fault. It’s a precious journey. And when you're parenting a neurodiverse child, it becomes a path of even deeper love, growth, and transformation.

Let’s shift the focus from blame to grace. From fear to faith. From doubt to discovery.

Here are a few truths I hope you’ll hold close:

1. Wrap Yourself in Kindness
Parenting is a long, beautiful marathon—filled with hills and valleys. Please don’t be your own harshest critic. Extend the same compassion to yourself that you so readily give to others. It’s not selfish to rest. It’s not wrong to need a moment.
Remember that flight attendant wisdom? “Put on your oxygen mask first.” That’s not just for planes—it’s for life. Your well-being matters. You can't pour into your child from an empty cup.
2. Celebrate Your Child’s Brilliance
Every child—every single one—is a masterpiece. Neurodiverse kids may experience the world differently, but that difference is not a defect.  Look for the strengths in them.  Maybe it's their curiosity, their creativity, their honesty, their tenacity. Focus there. Your belief in their strengths becomes the soil where their confidence takes root and blooms.

3. Embrace the Journey, Together
This path isn’t a straight one.  It has twists and detours. But those very turns are where connection deepens. When we walk hand-in-hand with our children through the challenges, we model resilience, grace, and unconditional love.
There is beauty in the becoming—both yours and theirs.
So, mama, to the part of you still wondering if you did something wrong—I see you. I honor that ache. But I also lovingly remind you:

You didn’t cause this.
You’re not broken.
And neither is your child.

You were chosen. Chosen to love, lead, and learn alongside your beautifully unique child.  Chosen to be their safe place and biggest cheerleader.

Let’s lay down the heavy burden of blame and pick up something lighter—hope, grace, and purpose.

You are doing the work. And even on the days that feel messy and uncertain, you are still enough.

Let’s keep walking this journey together—with open hearts, patient steps, and the unshakeable truth that love never fails.

You've got this.