A Simple, Powerful Shift that Can Transform Your Marriage
“How do you celebrate your spouse?”
It’s a question many couples hear, especially around birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day. But let’s reframe that question. Instead of saving celebration for calendar dates, what if we made it a regular rhythm in our marriage—an everyday mindset that focuses on our spouse’s strengths and intentionally builds them up?
I’ve learned this approach isn’t just sweet—it’s strategic.
As a mom raising neurodiverse children, I’ve become deeply familiar with the power of encouragement. In fact, focusing on strengths and celebrating small wins has become second nature. We’ve seen it work beautifully with our kids, and guess what? It works just as well with our spouses.
The psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar put it perfectly:
“What you appreciate, appreciates.”
“What you appreciate, appreciates.”
Think about that. What you call out, what you celebrate, what you affirm—it grows. Everyone thrives under sincere encouragement. That’s not manipulation; it’s just how we’re wired. Compliments are like water to a thirsty plant. Appreciation is fuel for the soul.
And it doesn’t have to be grand or poetic. Just noticing and naming the good goes a long way.
- “Thank you for taking care of that—it means a lot.”
- “I admire how patient you were with the kids tonight.”
- “You handled that work situation like a boss—I’m proud of you.”
We do this with our kids using reward systems—affirm the good, and they’re motivated to repeat it. But we forget that adults crave that too. Especially our spouses.
And in a world that majors in the negative, we have to be intentional about pausing to notice the positive. Reframing what’s happening in your home creates a culture shift. It tells your spouse:
“I see you. I value you. I’m with you.”
“I see you. I value you. I’m with you.”
That culture shift can change everything.
Let me encourage you today—yes, it’s possible. Your home can be a safe place where celebration isn’t saved for special occasions. It can be daily. Gentle. Intentional. Full of life-giving words.
So instead of asking “How do I celebrate my spouse?” try this instead:
“What strengths am I seeing in them today?”
“What one thing can I affirm, even quietly?”
“Where can I pause and give honor where it’s due?”
“What strengths am I seeing in them today?”
“What one thing can I affirm, even quietly?”
“Where can I pause and give honor where it’s due?”
Celebrate consistently, not just occasionally. You’ll find that your appreciation doesn’t just encourage your spouse—it enriches your whole home. This is what my husband and I call the Rewired Life.
Let’s grow what we want more of.
Best Regards,
Nakia Stringfield
Rewired Coach
